When a couple decides to end their marriage, one common question that arises is: “Does it matter who files for divorce first?” While it might seem like a simple procedural issue, filing first can carry both strategic advantages and emotional significance. However, in most cases, it does not drastically affect the final outcome of the divorce — property division, child custody, and alimony are still decided based on facts, not who filed first. Still, there are several important points to consider.
Understanding the Role of the Petitioner and Respondent
In a divorce, the person who files first is called the petitioner, and the other spouse is the respondent. The petitioner initiates the process by submitting a divorce petition to the court, outlining reasons for divorce and any requests regarding property, custody, or support. The respondent then receives these documents and has a set period (usually 20–30 days) to file a response.
While both parties have equal rights during the case, the petitioner often takes the lead in setting the tone and pace of the proceedings.
Advantages of Filing for Divorce First
1. Strategic Preparation: Filing first allows you to gather financial records, hire an attorney, and prepare your case before your spouse even knows the process has started.
2. Choice of Jurisdiction: If you and your spouse live in different states or counties, filing first lets you choose the venue — the court that will handle the case. This can be important since divorce laws and waiting periods vary by state.
3. Control Over the Timeline: The petitioner usually has more control over when the case begins, giving them a psychological and procedural advantage.
4. First to Present the Case: In court, the person who files first often gets to present their case first, which can sometimes help frame the narrative before the judge.
5. Proactive Image: Filing first may demonstrate to the court that you are taking the initiative and are serious about resolving issues.
Disadvantages of Filing for Divorce First
1. Higher Initial Costs: The petitioner typically pays the filing fee, which ranges between $200 and $500, depending on the state.
2. Predictability: Filing first means your spouse sees your demands upfront and can tailor their response accordingly.
3. Emotional Impact: For some, initiating the divorce can be emotionally stressful or may escalate conflict with the other spouse.
Bottom Line
In most situations, who files first doesn’t change the legal outcome — both spouses have equal rights to assets, custody, and support under the law. However, filing first can provide practical and strategic benefits, such as better preparation, choice of jurisdiction, and control over the process.
If you’re considering divorce, it’s best to consult a family law attorney who can advise you based on your personal circumstances and your state’s specific laws. While being the first to file can offer some advantages, what truly matters is having a clear plan and experienced legal guidance throughout your divorce journey.
